sitting in driveways in trucks with boys

I need to write about this while it's still fairly fresh.

I went to Pilates this morning (as I do every Saturday) and had a tougher workout than usual, which is a little odd because it was an intro class, but I've had a stressful work, so I think I had more stuff to work out of my muscles than normal.

After class, I got my weekly cardio by walking to Starbucks to get a drink. I saw a familiar truck in the driveaway, a Chevy with MBY plates. Feeling confident from my workout, I walked up and tapped on the window. And said hi to W and B.

I chatted with them for a bit, but they were heading to the drive through. I went in, got my drink, and came out. They were still in the drive-through lane, so I went up, tapped again, and got in the backseat to talk to them for a minute. We caught up on this and that, and they went to drive me back to my car (at the parking lot in the Pilates studio). We ended up chatting for nearly an hour, catching up on nearly everything. It was funny and fun and pleasant and barely awkward.

I'm not in love with B again. I am over him, 'cause being around him was without too much stress. It was catching up with someone who you used to know who you have stories with, and about whom you are still concerned, but not personally invested.

But it was nice to talk to both of them again. it's like I wrote about a week or two ago, after seeing W's truck... I missed them, honestly.

I don't know. I guess I'm not making much sense now. All I know is, it was nice to catch up with them. And not have the awkward, too much.

Radio is a sound salvation

an article, forwarded to me by my friend (and former co-worker), Tonya, with this note:

Take a look at this article about our beloved mistress...
http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/Music/07/20/radio/index.html

makes some damn good points. Heck, I would love to work for a satellite radio station. I've applied before, a few times, to jobs on both networks. Which are both based out of NYC. And which both don't necessarily need people that do what I do (though my skillsets have increased since my last applications).

the state of my chosen industry is considered bleak by many. At least I have my secretarial and writing skills to fall back on. Sadly, as I've noted before, I make more money doing admin or accounting work than I do in radio. So, I've got that going for me...

Survey: Bloggers are young Internet users

Fark.com comment:
Study finds majority of bloggers are under 30, overly dramatic and completely self-absorbed.

jess' comment:
really? except for my mom, who has been consistently blogging for three years. oh, and my friend Frank, who has been blogging for over a year... and my friend Bean.
oh, and me. I'm over 30, and just a little self-absorbed. :)

Survey: Bloggers are young Internet users
Wed Jul 19, 1:58 PM ET

Bloggers are a predominantly young group of Internet users who are novice storytellers, enjoy describing their own experiences and have a growing audience in the online world.

A glimpse of this group was put together by the Pew Internet & American Life Project .

The survey found that almost one in 10 Internet users are bloggers and the audience for this group of online diarists is growing. Almost four in 10 of the approximately 147 million adult Internet users in this country say they read blogs.

The people they are reading on the online blogs are a young, ethnically diverse group. They are mostly newcomers to writing — often writing about their own experiences. More than half of bloggers are under age 30. They were most likely to list their life and events as the most popular topic, followed by politics and entertainment.

The poll findings are based on a sample of 4,573 Internet users with a margin of error of plus or minus 2 percentage points and a sample from a separate survey of 233 bloggers with a margin of error of plus or minus 7 percentage points.
___

Pot Purry for $500, Alex

another random thoughts post, 'cause I don't have time to put together big thoughts...

my cystic acne hasn't gotten any better. I've been off of OCs for over 4 months, and a) my skin hasn't cleared and b) my periods are still irregular. Fun. I'm even taking Chaste Berry (Vitex) daily, along with my multi-vitamins and daily (generic) claritin. I even did a mask tonight to try to help my skin. And, still, I've got big weird spots on my forehead, my chin is an oil slick, and the tops of my arms are spotted. Nothing sexier than spots and zits, especially at 31 years of age.

I hate MF Time Warner RoadRunner digital cable internet. My internet has been intermittent (at best) for over 2 weeks. Very frustrating. Oh, and, the digital cable is cutting out during "Project Runway". Super annoying.

why did my (new and annoying) upstairs neighbor decide to have loud annoying relations at 3:30 am today? 15 minutes before my alarm goes off, and I'm awoken to the noises of loud sex (male and female joyful expressive noises) and the furniture moving. And I can't go back to sleep, 'cause I'm about to get up for work.

And, by the way, hearing other people do it is not sexy. It's annoying. I've now heard my next door neighbors have living room sex and these new upstairs girls have early morning sex. And, it's not a jealousy thing. It's just annoying to have to listen to when you are trying to watch TV (as last fall-winter with the next door neighbors) or get the last 15 minutes of sleep (this morning). I don't know why people always think it would be arousing or exciting to hear someone else getting it nine ways to Sunday.

I can't go into any details, but suffice it to say that work has been stressful for the past two weeks. So that all I want to do is come home and sleep, and eat something at some point, and maybe have a bit of social life.

ach, I don't know... life is never simple, you know? You just plug away and hope it all works out okay.

(oh, my grandma called me last week... and amongst the things we discussed, she said my grandpa was thinking he needed to send us manuals on how to make them some great-grandbabies. I told her that we all knew how, but we just weren't there yet.)

Miss Me Much?

I had an experience today that brought to mind the question, why can you miss someone, and yet know you really can't talk to them again?

(I'm not talking about deaths, which is a whole 'nother conundrum.) I'm talking about live people, that you've stopped being friends with consciously.

Today, I went to Home Depot to buy new hardware for a dresser I bought from a co-worker. Of course, it's not simple... the space between the screws on the handles for this dresser was 3 1/2 inches. Bet you didn't know that the standard is 3 inches. I had ONE choice of handle. Luckily, it was in the silvery chrome color I prefer, and though it is not the perfect handle, it's better (in my opinion) than the old fashioned pulls that were on the drawers.

On my drive home, I was looking around (as I do), and noticed a truck that looked like my (former) friend W's in the parking lot of Heavenly Hoagie. I checked the plate (as I do), and realized that it was indeed W's. His wife, K, had once pointed out that the first 3 letters sounded out MOBY, so it stuck in my mind. Seeing his truck started a series of thoughts - if he was there, and B's truck was not, that meant they were probably there together. (The hoagie shop is a particular favorite of B's). It was a Saturday errand day, so it makes logical sense.

And the thing that struck me is that I miss W. He's a gentle soul, a genuine person, who loves his friends. I haven't seen or talked to W since he dropped me at the airport in March, after which his wife accused me of ridiculous things and hidden evil motives. Because of that, and because she couldn't bring herself to apologize for her actions and words, I cut off relations with K (and by extension W). And post-B-break-up, I haven't been in a social situation with them since February.

I miss them. Once, they (we) were good friends. I was a bridesmaid in their wedding (and B was a groomsman, in one of our many broken-up periods, natch). I helped them with the wedding preparations. I used to go shopping with K. They would have me over to their house to hang and eat, even during the initial-post-break-up awkwardness, when they would balance their time with either of us.

But deep down, I always knew when (and sadly, i think I knew it was a "when", not an "if") B and I broke up, that I would lose them. One way or another, I would lose them, because B had known W first, and that's how things go. We all tried for a while after B and I broke up, but when it became clear that there was not going to be a reunion, things became even more awkward than they had been.

I miss them, though. And yet, I know, like i've known when other friendships have died or sputtered out, that it's not ever going to be the same. And that I need to stick to my guns, and remember that I don't need people who don't actually like or trust me in my life.

But that doesn't mean I can't miss them, and miss the memories. And miss the good times.

(god, I'm really melancholy tonight).

T tonight pointed out to me that I've had a lot of change in my life recently. In the past year-and-a-half, pretty much everything but my car and home have changed. In March 2005, I quit my job. March - June 2005, I worked an office job with B, W, and AJ. June 2005, met B's family. July 2005, started Pilates. August 2005, B breaks up with me. August 2005, go to Kentucky with Mom & Dad, bring some family drama to light. September 2005, start the new job. September 2005, after a disastrous social outting where everyone tried to pretend it wasn't awkward and weird to be in a group after B&I broke up, cut off relations with B. December 2005-January 2006, attempt social relationship with B. December 2005, turn 31. January & February 2006, make attempts to start dating again. March 2006, cut off all contact with B, W, & K. June 2006, start therapy to help deal with some of the stuff floating around in my head. All 2006, work, live, go out with friends, make new friends, do Pilates, give up dairy, start drinking soy lattes, date, relate, work and so on.

and I feel like my life is still insecure, that it could all fall apart at any minute. People around me fall in love, find happiness with partners, plan weddings, and I feel like it's all missing me. Even though it's just the nature of my (radio) business, I feel like I could lose my gig at any minute. And I love my gig.

ach, I'm babbling and wallowing, and it's Saturday night and I'm home alone and I haven't even been drinking. I'm going to sign off before i get any more depressing.

things I need to get around to writing

open letter to my new upstairs neighbor on how to please be a better neighbor and quiet because I get up at 3:45 am on weekdays and take afternoon naps, too.
(oh, and the P.S. to that - I haven't taken up smoking, so why does my apartment smell like it?)

the magical pile of not-quite-dirty, not-quite-clean clothing we all have (which is different from the pile of 2- and 3-day-old jeans)

my trip to NH and what 3 days of being in my parents' house with my siblings (and some of their SOs) was like

I hate lazy people... and people who try to get away with doing as little as possible.

Why do hard-working people with thoughts and opinions and voices often not get as far (in the world, career-wise, etc) as useless yes-men?

Cooking for one sucks.

Why is being healthy more expensive than being out of shape and eating poorly?

If the world loves big boobs so much, why are the bras so GD expensive compared to those for small chested ladies?

marriage in the modern era

i've been meaning to write about this since i got back from New Hampshire, but I just haven't been able to wrap my head quite around it.... I've told the story to some people, and it makes me sound a) bitter and b) mildly racist, and neither are quite true.

My cousin got married. The first one of my generation (on either side of the family) to do so. This cousin is 25, the 4th member of my generation on my mom's side. She's my mom's sister's daughter, and I, in some ways, helped raise her. I lived with their family when I was a teenager.

Do you know how we found out she got married? If it didn't happen to me, I wouldn't believe it. It's a real example of the modern age. My brother, Marc, says, "Becca got married to some random black guy. She posted the pictures on her MySpace."

Seriously. She got married without any friends around, in crayon-red hair and red dress, and the "random black guy" (the best descriptor we have, as no one had even HEARD of the guy before this) was wearing a jersey of some sort. (My aunt V said to me later, "couldn't he have gone to Mervyn's and bought a shirt or something?") According to her MySpace, the new husband is named Paris, and he's an acrobat. She's an acrobat, so they can be bendy together.

It's just so weird. I figured that when someone in the family got married, we'd be invited. There was never a question in my mind as to that. For my future theoretical wedding (to my future theoretical husband, of course), I would have to at least INVITE my family, all the masses of them.

And who does that? Who announces they've run off and gotten married by posting pictures on a social networking website? My mom finds out her neice is married from the Internet - her sister, this cousin's mom, never even mentioned it to my mom.

My aunt V, the one who is just a few years older than me, IM'ed me about two weeks ago. She told me about my grandparents' reaction to it. Again, shocked. I know that it's surprising that family would want to know in advance, but it's true.

Heck, I don't know. My sisters (in their early 20's) are both engaged, and living with their partners. My brother Marc's girlfriend just moved in with him. I could have seen any of them getting married in the near future. But not finding out from the InterWebs that my cousin has married.

THE ORACLE OF STARBUCKS

found this whilst surfing the web:
THE ORACLE OF STARBUCKS

You tell it your drink, it tells you about you:
My current drinks are a grande soy latte (hot) or an iced venti soy chai. It's because I had to give up dairy for health reasons. Still, this is pretty funny.

Behold the Oracle's wisdom:

Personality type: Hippie

In addition to being a hippie, you are a hypochondriac health nut. You secretly think that your insistence on only consuming all-natural products is because you're so intelligent and well-informed; it's actually because you're a sucker. You've dabbled in Wicca or other pseudo-religions that attract morons and have changed your sexual orientation a few times this year. You probably live in California. Everyone who drinks grande soy latte should be forced to eat a McDonald's bacon cheeseburger.

Also drinks: Beverages with lots of marketing that says they're herbal and organic

Can also be found at: Whole Foods, indoor rock climbing facilities

random musings of friday night

an entry my friend Frank Murphy refers to as a "Larry King" style entry...

my brother Marc and I created an entire universe of alternate Pokemon characters when we lived with my folks in Eugene, Oregon.
one recent night (April 5th), Marc and I created a new character, Poke-John. His only expression is the word "dude", pronounced in a variety of ways.

my parents can both text message. my mom uses all caps. my dad will repeat back slang you've used on him (for instance, in April, we had an exchange using the word "peeps"). Parents using slang, even people as plugged into the younger folk as my parents (who are jettisoning their last teenager soon), is always funny.

My parents both also IM all the time. that's how they keep in touch with my siblings.

most phrases, when approached with the right (or "wrong", depending on your perspective, mind) can sound dirty. My friends and I call this "Beavis & Butthead" behavior. Particularly funny when applied to straight-ahead newscasts and sports reports, and really funny if you can get the broadcaster to crack up. i used to make faces at people when they said funny things, but now I text them and point out the funny-dirty words and phrases.

tornadoes, and other severe weather you can be warned of, scare me more than earthquakes. Tornado sirens can go off for hours, and all I can do is sit and freak out. There was one really bad night in April (25th) that the sirens went off for about an hour, and sat on my living room floor and shook and phoned people and freaked out. The tornado siren for my neighborhood has to be mounted RIGHT OUTSIDE my BEDROOM, which is full of windows, which are a no-no to be around in storms. But earthquakes are a whole other thing - they come out of nowhere, you deal with it, and clean up. And build your houses properly, to withstand it.

text messaging is awesome. but you have to be careful not to write essays. they eat up memory. I have a problem deleting text messages, especially the funny ones. so i'm always having to go through and delete enough to save memory.

"You're beautifooool!"

Actual scene from today's (first) run to Starbucks.

Dude in parked car: "Happy Fourth of July. How does it feel to be beautiful?"
Me, balancing things in my hand while unlocking car: "I wouldn't know."

I smiled, and told the dude he made my day. It was totally random, and a great bit of cheer.

Then, I got home, walked in the door, and dropped and spilled my Iced Venti (24 ounce) Soy Chai Latte. Which I cleaned up, and then headed back to Starbucks for another. Which they kindly gave me free, with sympathy.

There is this little fella that works at the local Starbucks who is the funniest guy. Jason, I think, and pretty sure he's gay. He also admitted that he used to be a ballet dancer. I like going in and talking to him - he's friendly, funny, and makes me smile. And, he gave me a drink today for free - twice!

Yesterday, T and I went to a movie. We met up at the Malco Paradiso, and saw "The Devil Wears Prada". About two years ago, she lent me the book, and I read it on her recommendation. We ended up in the same exact theatre we were in for the infamous "You are some of the rudest people" incident. (I REALLY need to get those t-shirts made.) We got there early, grabbed seats, and, as other people came in and sat down, that there was no way we would win that title on that day. There were the ladies in their 50's or 60's that decided to sit directly in front of us, even though there were tons of seats available in their chosen row. There were the teenagers that came in chattering and sat directly behind us. And then there was a gaggle of women that came in during the previews, talking to each other and on their phones, and sat in the middle of the row we were in, taking away my purse chair. And the woman who took away my purse chair - texted through the entire movie. There was no way we were winning the rude award yesterday.

Today I got up at 5 am to go into work. On the 4th of July. Because I wasn't sure if my boss had done something which would have affected whether my "best of" segments for the program I produce would have aired. Amazingly enough, he had. So, I double checked everything, and headed back home... and slept until 10 or 11 am.

it's a lazy day, no doubt about it. Saw a few of the riverfront fireworks yesterday. Don't have any big holiday plans today, either.

Study: Americans lonelier than ever

Study: Americans lonelier than ever

NEW YORK, July 2 (UPI) -- A sociological study from Duke and the University of Arizona found that most Americans have only two close confidantes, the New York Times reported Sunday.

With the rise of the Internet, an increase in work hours and long commutes, and technology that discourages face-to-face interaction, the average American's connection to his or her community is weakening, the Times reported from the study.

Despite the perceived decrease in meaningful social connections, the study also showed that the bond between spouses has grown stronger, partially due to the fact that more households are comprised of two working parents, the study said. The study also indicated that Americans use their entire social network when making a major life decision, the Times reported.

Dr. Robert Putnam, the author of "Bowling Alone," told the Times that that the increased use of technology is not a bad thing, as long as Americans use it to "strengthen and deepen relationships that we have offline."

BEST. PICTURE. EVER!

SERIOUSLY.

this was taken by the fine folks at Picture People in the mall in Manchester, NH.
Our photographer was a slightly alternative young gentleman who was named, I believe, Brian.
We spent nearly an hour taking photos with the young fella, and made him laugh at our wacky antics.

The deal with Picture People is that they print their choices of the best photos from your shoot, and then let you decide based upon the prints. One photo in particular, they printed simply because it was so awful. We loved it. During our lengthy selection and check-out process, during which we bought something like 8 poses in different print combinations between 5 credit cards, I convinced Brian to throw in the super-awful-good photo, since they were just going to throw it out anyway. My brother Marc took it home and scanned it, and has now shared it with the family. And I will now share it with the world.

Behold, the worst family portrait ever!



In case you don't know my whole fam-damn-ily, here's the roster, left to right.
Me (Jess), (child #1), in blue shirt, constipated expression, and bizarre sunburn
Deirdre (D'Marie), (Child #4), in white shirt and flash reflected off glasses
Marc-Daniel, (Child #3), t-shirt, bit-into-a-lemon face with eyes closed
Bethany (Bebe or BMac), (Child #6), laughing with eyes closed
Colleen (Leen or Neen), (Child #5), fuschia shirt, laughing with eyes closed
Front row: Dad (John), with glare off glasses & Mom (Alicia) smiling.

To recap, 7 of the eight members of my immediate family, with my brother John-Damien conspicously absent, photographed for posterity with only one (maybe two) even close to looking good - Mom (and maybe Dad, if you ignore the flash reflection).

We don't know what we were laughing at. We laughed so many times, it could have been any number of jokes - including fat baby and anorexic baby.

Seriously.
BEST. PICTURE. EVER.
If we could use for a Christmas card, I think we would.
(And, if wanted to show the whole family, I think we could photoshop JD in behind me, next to D. I'm sure we could find a suitably unflattering photo of him).

P.S. Oh, and don't worry, we have plenty of other good shots from the photo session. If you are a family member who wants to see the online album, email me and I'll send you link).

P.P.S. If you look close enough, you can see both D's and Colleen's engagement rings on their left hands.

P.P.P.S. For those of you keeping track at home, before I became the redhead I was meant to be, my hair color was closest to that of Bethany.

Bands with trumpets and keyboards rock!

First things first - it was the battery, not the starter or starter solenoid or the alternator. It took my landlords two days to get a battery in, after recharging the old one to no avail. They installed it on Thursday afternooon, and I was back to driving my little Toyota Corolla by Friday morning.

Secondly, the Internets is broken at my house. I am composing this on the computer at the bookstore. We've had a suprising volume of visitors today, but very few purchases. A lot of out-of-towners and locals bringing their out-of-town visitors by, but with me being the only person working in the three businesses, it's been a little spotty. I think the artists are really losing out by taking today as a holiday weekend.

When I get home tonight, I will call customer service at Time Warner RoadRunner and find out why i'm not finding any connectivity. Dad and I already troubleshot (troubleshooted?) the heck out it this morning, so it is definitely something on their side.

Otherwise, it was exhausting week and an exhausting weekend. I worked 14 hours on Friday, getting into work at 5:15, and leaving at 7. I was awake for something closer to 17-18, having awoken at 3:45 am and finally falling into full sleep at approx 9:45 pm. I worked my normal shift, stayed later to prepare the Saturday best-of show and the Monday best-of (the hosts are taking the vacation week), and then ran the board for a remote the guys did for a southern rock revival show down at a Tunica casino. I'm glad I drew that straw instead of actually having to go down to Tunica. In order to get through the day, I was nursin an iced espresso drink throughout the afternoon, leaving me too wired to sleep, to tired to not. It was not a good situation to be in, and i hope not to be for some time again, if ever.

Yesterday (Saturday) started out well, with a Pilates lesson, a nice chat with my instructor, a walk to the Starbucks and a nice chat with some of the employees there, and a return home. There was much lounging and mindless TV watchingand a marathon Saturday shower. Saturday showers are the ones I don't have time for during the week, when I shower at 4 am and am lucky if I remember to put deodorant on, some days. Saturday showers have all the features - exfoliation, shaving, hair washing and conditioning, and self-tanning and moisturizing to follow. I even blew-out and straight-iron styled my hair. I love the leisurely pace of a Saturday shower, a luxury only Saturday provides.

I went out for dinner & drinks with Tonya (pictured below), her boyfriend/my former co-worker, G, and Mr. S. As we had all worked at the same place (albeit at different times), we had a great conversation about radio and certain people, and had a nice steak dinner and a few cocktails too. Oh, and some yummy lemon cake with awesome lemon buttercream frosting. Quite a good time.

oh, well, i'm here at the bookstore, and I'm hoping for customers, and surfing the internets for "Salwar Kameez" (or "Shalwar Kameez"), indian pantsuits for my friends' Kiren & Aditya's wedding in October. The outfits have to be custom-made to your measurements, so I need to choose a design and style and color, and get the ball rolling. I've been encouraged by the bride to dress in Indian clothes for their Americanized Hindu wedding, so I'm going to go for it. After all, you usually buy a new dress for a wedding, right?

TTFN.