Think before you speak...

Something funny that my friend, T, forwarded me. It's been going around the Internets.
As someone who unintentionally says things all the time, I thought it was funny enough to post. enjoy.

Think before you speak...

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great!

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole?

Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"

I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women’s type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."

My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.

I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy' s pee-pee last night!"

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.

I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.

The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?

My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".

I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don’t have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn’t have an accident?"

"No," he replied.

I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.

Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"

This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled

"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.

An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any?

We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good?

Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh and remember we all say things we don't really mean, so think before you speak.

No good deed goes unpunished

I'm so frustrated right now.
I can't really even put it all into words.
Due to recent string of events and over-reactions on the part of others and mature adult decisions on my part, I've narrowed my local friends to a much smaller roster.
One of these remaining real friends is my former co-worker, T. She still works for the evil empire. Recently, she's been busy and stressed, and yesterday I bought her a cute little mug (on sale) at Starbucks and brought her the mug and lunch. I came to her office (my former office) to visit with her and have lunch. I checked in with the front desk, got a visitor pass, and went back to her studio area to eat and chat.
I hung out for a while with her, and also visited with S, her current boss, who is a new friend of mine (T introduced us about 2 months ago). It was well-intentioned social visit, with no malice.
I called T today, and she told me that the Operations Manager of her station stopped her, and told her he had heard that I was there visiting. She affirmed this, and then she was told that under no circumstances was I to be allowed to be in the "work areas" and studios.
Yesterday was the second time I've been there in the past month, and I was in no way being evil, malicious, sneaky, or any other thing. Both times I checked in with the front desk, got the visitors pass, and was escorted everywhere I went.
I wanted to visit two of my friends in their workplace... which just happens to be my old workplace.
I didn't leave that company on the best of terms, but I didn't leave on the worst. Due to mounting frustrations over my lack of advancement and respect, I left. Because they wouldn't give me any concessions on the non-compete, I quit without two weeks notice. And I worked in a non-related field and lived off savings for the duration of my 180-day non-compete. It has been over a year since I left, and over 6 months since my non-compete expired and I was allowed to work in my field again.
I know that my friends work for the "competition", but I know that individuals there (like T & S) are my friends.
The Ops Mgr that pulled T aside and gave her this warning is the co-host of the direct competition to the show I produce. He also hates the guys I work with, because they also left that group, albeit 15 months ago, and launched a show to compete with his.
I'm mad and sad about this whole thing. It sucks that I won't be able to visit T (though I do admit that I was told twice this morning by my current show that I do have "big brass ones" for even stepping foot over there). It sucks that she got admonished. It sucks more because I'm sure the Ops Mgr doesn't know that I know S (he's only been the boss there for a few months, and was not the boss I quit on), and so I'm sure he didn't get the lecture that T got. If S really thought my being there was a problem, I'm sure he would have told me to leave, get out, and not come back. He's too new there to ruffle that many feathers, and our friendship is too new to put his job in jeopardy over.
AAAAAARRRRRRRRGHHH!
I feel like shiznit about this whole thing, both for myself and T. When I quit over there last year, we stopped talking for months, to protect both of us. But time has passed, and it's not like I would sabotage equipment or steal trade secrets. I'm not that guy. I don't think people are bad people, and wouldn't ever do something that mean or stupid. I don't understand pranks, and I certainly wouldn't do anything that awful.

Heck, my Mardi Gras beads are still hanging on my old cubicle.

Oh, well, I need my nap. If you have any comments on this whole situation, please feel free to post them.
Pah!

My visit to Phoenix

Two weeks ago, I finally had the time to get out to AZ and see Jen, Berin and Baby Ryan.

My goal was to get some time away from my life here, and to meet the baby before he started walking and talking (he was 8 months old when I met him). A couple of vacation days taken by the hosts of the show I produce afforded me a long weekend away.

It was a short trip (I arrived late at night on Thursday, and flew back very early on Sunday), but was well worth it.

The first full day I was there, Friday, we went to lunch and shopping. Lunch was at a Pan-Asian place called "Do". Ryan was well-behaved, and the waitresses at the place absolutely loved him.

After lunch, we strolled around the place, Kierland Commons, and happened upon a 'sniffy smell-good' store that was having it's grand opening that day. The shop was called Fruits & Passion. It is a Canadian shop that is opening the very first US store. I bought a very yummy smelling espresso candle, and some cacao (cocoa) hand butter.


On Friday, Jen also took me to Trader Joe's, a shop we don't have here.
On Saturday, they were gracious enough to make sure I got to eat the foods I miss (including Hot Dog on a Stick and In-N-Out Burger) and to shop for things I can't find here (a flavor of instant oatmeal, a certain brand of refried beans).

In one day, Jen took me to two different malls, so I could have my beloved Hot Dot on a Stick lemonade (and an actual "hot dog on a stick"). I even had Jen take a picture of me in front of the stand, though it is backlit, so it's difficult to see that it is me. Also, it was raining that day (for the first time in over 140-something days), so I'm wearing my raincoat.

I stopped at the Paradise Bakery in that mall and got some cookies too. We don't have that stand locally either.


That same day, we also went to another "high-end" shopping center, shopped for more skin creams (at L'Occitane) and bras (at Victoria's Secret), where a salesgirl talked me into "updating" my VS card, and ended up running my credit card again. Stupid cow. (but I didn't find this out until I was back.)

We had a nice girls afternoon of seeing a movie whilst the baby had daddy-time. Ryan is a very cute, very sweet-natured baby who warmed up to me quickly. Jen & Berin are doing a great job raising him, and I wish I could be around him more often, instead of being the weird "auntie" who mails gifts from time to time.

On Saturday, we had dinner at In-N-Out Burger, a meal that made me quite happy while I was eating it. Yummy!

I used my camera phone to take pictures, which I have posted here. I actually barely used my real (film) camera, and I don't think I have ANY pictures of me holding the baby, or of me with Jen.

I, of course, realized this when I was flying back. Some other time, I suppose. I do have more photos to post, but they aren't posting up here, so I may have to make another post with photos.
There was noother drama that occured in my life during the same time period... but I'm not sure if i'll even post about that at all. I do thank Berin for the verbal kick-in-the-ass about investing and smart finances. Jen and Berin were great hosts (as always) and Ryan is a real joy.

Snow in Memphis - The photo essay

my car, parked at the office, from the front
my car, parked at the office, from the back:
through my windshield, the highway and the bad drivers:
the right shoulder of the highway, from my windshield:
the right shoulder, with the I-40 sign:
these were all taken with my camera phone... I just recently figured out how to get the pictures out of the phone and onto my computer and the Internets.

more posts to come soon... the complaints have been registered and heard. :)