Squirrel Suicides and a bad case of the lonelies

I went out to get my morning Soy Latte, and saw at least two different dead squirrels in the middle of the road (not as bad as dead skunks in the middle of the road, but still...). Back when we were in high school, my brother and I would look for roadkill on our drive to school. If we saw roadkill and the car with the naked bitch mudflaps, it was going to be a good day. (high school superstititions)

it is 10:30 am on a Sunday, and my loud-walking upstairs neighbor is playing music, just loud enough for me to hear. It's the new bon jovi song, "Who Says You Can't Go Home?", but i can't tell whether it's the solo or the version with jennifer nettles from Summerland. I'm going to bet it is the country version, as that is the genre she usually plays loud enough for me to recognize.

Friday night, I got unintentionally wasted. The radio show had a live remote at On the Border in Cordova (the suburbs, with one of the big malls), and I had one margarita. On a day with a small lunch and no nap. So, I was buzzed. Enough that the (new) friend A, who met me there, made me leave my car there for our later plans. My friend T also came by, and seemed quite amused as my tipsy antics. I rarely get that way, and I am (as I well admit) one of those people who feels the need to tell you when I'm drunk. A and I went downtown to Beale Street Music Festival (not in time to see Jason Mraz). I tried to get a hold of S, as he lives downtown, right near the park where the music festival was, but he didn't call or text me back.

A & I had a great time. We got some food (Steak on a Stick) and drinks (really awful SoCo hurricanes, which weren't even frozen) and went to check out a few bands. We saw Bryan Adams, and sang along to most songs. While we were standing around waiting for the Canadian pop singer to start, two fellas started chatting us up - Maurice and Todd. A called Todd "Superman" because he was tall and skinny and had that Clark Kent look about him. Todd was talking to her, Maurice to me, but it was all in good fun. And since they are from Ohio, though Maurice now lives in Pasadena, it's fair to say we won't see them again, so i have no issue with posting their names. We stayed at that stage through about half of Train (I know they are middle of the road pop, but I like them), and then went off to see Three 6 Mafia. triple six are local, and won an oscar (!), so we thought it might be fun. The guys ran off in white middle-american terror in about two songs. We stayed for about half the set, then I couldn't handle it anymore, so we walked the park. Saw the CC tent, the one hosted by the old radio conglomerate I used to work for. I waved at some former co-workers from the fence, and they motioned for me to come in. I said I couldn't, and one ripped his wristband off and handed it to me so I could come in. So, I did, and one of the radio engineers (the second youngest one), hit on me a little bit, as did a TV cameraman I could always count on for some harmless flirting. There was a little drama that I still don't understand from the girlfriend of a guy I used to work with (who apologizes to me for my quitting everytime I see him). But I felt bad because A was waiting outside, so I left. We were stuck in a parking structure for nearly an hour, trying to leave, and I got home at 2 and passed out.

Saturday, A called me at 8:30, and we decided we would indeed go to Pilates (how we met) and then she would take me to my car. So, we did, and I was back to my car by noon. I tried to call T, as I was in her neighborhood, but got no answer. So, i headed home.

It was another of my lonely Saturdays. Friday nights and Saturdays are when I feel the loneliest. Weeknights, it's understandable that I am alone. Not a lot of my friends work a normal 8-5, so it is hard to coordinate with other radio peeps. And, I'm often exhausted. But weekends are when I really feel single, and kidless, and friendless. And as a single, kidless person, I have to negotiate around other peoples' (couples, mothers) schedules. And, I feel like since B and I broke up, and I've started to explore and think, I've become really good at overthinking and being needy. And not everyone wants that. So, I spend Saturdays staring at the TV. I wanted to go to MusicFest yesterday (cake and Huey Lewis and Bruce Hornsby were all playing), but I couldn't find anyone to go with, and then it started raining, and I didn't want to go downtown to a crazy event by myself, as a single girl. Safety and feeling like a loser combined.

So, its Sunday, and I woke up early again (8:30), and the case of the lonelies is starting to hit again. And I don't have the bookstore, 'cause I took off from it for MusicFest (thinking I'd have plans come together) and now i don't have any solid plans.

This single thing, it's frustrating. And, even though I'm an outgoing person, it's harder to meet people than you would think. And I have trust issues now, and I need more reassurance now.

On an totally unrelated note, I have to post this 'cause I am SO frustrated. I have a fake name that I use on the air, Mitzi. I've grown fond of it, as it separates my work persona from me, and keeps the scary listeners from knowing my real name. Apparently, my PROGRAM DIRECTOR (*that's boss) thought it was okay to tell one of these scary listeners (that has become a drinking buddy of his) my real name. And dude was using it, in front of other people, at the event on Friday. And, he told me that ML (the PD) had told him my name. The a-hole was gloating about the whole thing. AAARRRGGHH!