I'm okay, really...

thanks to all of you who have called or emailed to make sure I was okay.
I'm fine, actually. I posted, and fumed to a few people (on the phone and in email) and it's all okay. Thanks again to those who listened, and provided advice.

I've learned (again) who can and can't be trusted. The short, non-detailed version of it is that rumor/gossip about me was passed around between former co-workers who work in three other states, and made it back to me from another former co-worker who I am still close with. It was like a game of telephone, or passing notes in class. Really lame, and really annoying, and really disheartening, disappointing, exhausting. My life really isn't that interesting, it's really none of their business, and all these GUYS (from start to finish, the rumor mill was staffed by adult males) have really busy lives that should have kept them busier than to talk about "did you hear about jessica?"

But, yesterday was a good day. I came home from work, napped (as best as I could between phone calls), and went to Pilates. Which totally kicked my ass, but in a good way. After class, chatting with the girlfriend I work out with, the muscles in my legs were totally twitching.

BTW, Pilates is TOTALLY working. Since I started Pilates (last July, about a month before B and I broke up), I've lost at least 10 pounds (I don't own a scale, so I've only been weighed twice since I started - at my annual in December, and at Jen's in March) and full pants size. Also, my face has thinned out (I have my chin back!) and my stomach is much flatter. If I were only doing cardio, I could lose the pooch above the hard muscle of my tummy (seriously, i have a hard tummy!). I said to someone the other day that, since last fall, I've lost at least 260 pounds - 10 off my body, and 250 of ex-boyfriend weight that was really dragging me down.

So, anyway, after Pilates I decided to return a gift to Victoria's Secret, and buy some new undies. It's part of my whole "Out with the old, in with the new" plan. I didn't make any resolutions this year; it's a gradual self-awareness and self-improvement campaign. I returned a gift that had been sitting in a box since January, and used the credit from that (and some of my own money) to buy THE BEST UNDIES EVER. Ladies, I'm not kidding. I've been burnt on VS for a while (they don't carry the big boobie bras, and give me scornful looks when I ask for my size), but these skivvies are awesome. They are part of the Body by Victoria line, the microfiber seamless ones, in the hiphugger cut. There is barely a waistband, they don't come too high or too low in the back or the front, and the legs are cut more like a boyshort (but with full butt coverage), and they sit right on the hipbone. They are cute, and comfortable (I didn't tug at them ONCE during work today), and don't show a line at all.

Once I had started shopping, I couldn't stop. I swung by the Payless Shoes, and found the cutest shoes that I have use for, so I didn't buy them. Super cute, though... It's a peep-toe, slingback wedge, in black or tan. Great for jeans, or skirts (if I ever wore them).

Then I walked into The Gap, and they had all sorts of stuff marked down. What I really need are new tops - I've found myself walking around half-dressed a lot recently, with my jeans and shoes picked out, and NO IDEA what to put on for a top. What I ended up buying were a pair of jeans, marked down to $19.99, which we all know is a GAP bargain. I couldn't help it - they were my skinny size, a size I haven't worn since I started dating B. I was that size when I moved to Memphis, but that is 4 years ago tomorrow (OH, GEEZ, I just realized that!). I had no choice but to buy the flattering and correctly sized skinny jeans. Any woman would be powerless in that situation. Oh, and I bought six pairs of socks, all on sale, at The Gap.

Which meant when I got home, I had to sort and purge the sock and underwear drawers. We should all do that from time to time. I've got undies I can remember buying when I first moved back to LA - in 2000. I just got rid of some i bought when I lived in Eugene. Yeah, I know... I also got rid of some favorite stripy socks that had lost their stretch. Made me sad. But I felt a great sense of accomplishment in getting my drawers organized and in order.

So, yeah, as the modern day prophet Kenny Loggins said (and later trained a small burrowing rodent to dance to), "I'm alright. Don't nobody worry about me."