Just a little crazy

Okay, so I've backslid a little today... I'm owning up to it.

First, I got an email from B today... telling me that his computer monitor, which is less than 2 years old, just died, and he had to borrow one from Wayne. He's telling me this because the monitor I am currently using now was bought from him, after my monitor died. He'd had this monitor laying around for a year and a half, and right after he sells it to me, his monitor dies. He thought I would appreciate the irony and humor of the story.
I didn't write back, but I do admit that when the little yahoo notification went off and I saw who the email was from, I did get a little twinge in my tummy.

The actual backsliding was far worse, but ultimately harmless, I think. I know his HS GF, the "love of his life", the one he admitted to me and his former roommate (when we are just friends, far before the drama) that he would move back home if she asked him to and pursue a future with, well, she's getting married. This month, in their hometown area of Scranton. Before I cut off contact with B, we had conversations about whether he was even going to fly up there and attend it (his budget is tight). Heck, over the summer, we had discussed US (him and I, as a couple) going... I was supposed to have met her and her fiance during our summer visit, but we had an exhausting schedule, and bowed out of that meal and meeting.
So, today, just a few minutes ago, I was surfing the internet looking for the details of their wedding, via TheKnot and WeddingChannel. I was looking it up by her name, which is a fairly common one, and was a little halted by the lack of his name. There are actually two people with her name getting married in PA in October & November. I looked at the registries and the dates, and the cities, and narrowed it down to a wedding Saturday next (10-22). And, you know what, the registries were SAD. Nothing on them, but, positive for her, most all on the two I saw had been purchased.
I think the original motivation behind looking up the wedding details was to find out the dates, and figure out which weekend B would potentially be out of town.

I honestly don't know what is up with his life right now. I had dinner with W&K Sunday night, and was very focused on not asking them questions about him, or leading the conversation to our breakup or to him. I feel for them for being in the middle, hate that our personal situation has put our friends in the middle, and I am attempting to be as thoughtful to their predicament as they are to mine. A part of me wants to know if he is going to the ex-GF's wedding, and if he does, will he be the guy re-enacting that scene from "The Graduate"? And the sensible part knows I shouldn't care.

I'm at 3 weeks on my 60 day he-tox (no talking to him / focusing on myself) plan, and I'm so proud of myself that I know I am in grave danger of breaking the rules and having to start over again. I had to look at previous entries to check dates, but I believe the last time I saw and talked to him was Monday 26 September, when I took over his stereo to him, and stayed for a few minutes talking to him. It was surreal to be there, knowing it was my last time talking to him. I wish I had said more profound and lingering things than I did. I know we talked about work, and his plans for his house, and a bit about our friends.

I actually wonder how/why I haven't run into him at the local Starbucks, or the grocery around the corner, or haven't driven past him on the street. We live less than a mile from each other, and some days it is difficult to stop myself from driving past his home, just to see how he's doing.
But I gave up low-level stalking in college - I have a scary level of recall that makes it easy for me to remember peoples' schedules, and made the "accidental run-in" an easy task for me in HS and college.

anyway, it's near bedtime, and I could write more for hours without saying anything. The updates will continue to come as I remember. Oh, in case you were wondering, the Saturday freak-out was exactly that, a freak-out. The friends I was SO worried about not getting called back by - well, they had changed their home phone number, but kept the old one, and I was leaving messages on the line they don't check often. And, Saturdays being Saturdays, they had been in and out and hadn't gotten the message until LATE at night. So, I wasn't being avoided, which was a great relief. In fact, I saw them Sunday, and all is well with the world and my friendships.