A few days' worth of notes

I've been making notes everywhere, especially whilst I'm working.
Lists of priorities, realities, notes on feelings and thoughts. Here are some of them, labeled by when I think I took them down or by category.

Tuesday 10-04-05
This morning, when getting dressed for work, I decided my outfit needed a necklace. I had long taken off my former daily Tiffany necklace (a long bar T&Co pendant that B had given me when we were first dating, which he brought back from Aruba for me). I took it off a few weeks ago, when B and I really broke up. It was only the second time I took it off for that reason (the first was over 2 years ago). I had put it in the drawer with my other Tiffany jewelry gifts.

I went into the drawer to grab a necklace, and pulled out the box that I thought was a simple initial J necklace. The box turned out to be a pair of earrings that matched the necklace, a pair of earrings I had never even worn. A mix of sadness, nostalgia, and nausea hit me. I put the box away, closed the drawer, and gave up on a necklace. I ended up going into another drawer, and got out a simple multi-colored elastic plastic bead bracelet, and put on my old silver rings (which I haven't worn in years). I had to put on old jewelry to get my equilibrium back.

Tuesday 10-04-05, 8:00 am
I've got to break the habits. I just saw an ad on the TV for home appliances, and thought about B's kitchen, and the remodel it needs, and will someday get. But I won't be there for it.
One of my friends said breaking up is like quitting smoking. And it really is. It's breaking these habits you've built up over years, and replacing them with new behaviors, thoughts, actions.

PRIORITIES:
someone who likes music, and seeing concerts.
someone who enjoys comedy, including stand-up comedy.
someone who will do activities - go bowling, skating (ice and roller), batting cages, mini golf, etc.
someone who wants marriage & kids.
someone who likes my family.
someone whose family I like (and whose family likes me).
will introduce to me to their family, sooner than later.
someone who likes my body, faults and big boobs and all.
someone who likes me.
someone who loves me.
someone who isn't afraid to call me their girlfriend.
someone who isn't scared to say they love me.

REALITIES:
REALIZATION - He told me two years ago, straight out, that he didn't like me enough. Said something along the lines of, "I don't want you to wake up in 2 years and wonder why you wasted your time." And, I still stuck around.
We broke up a bunch of times previously, and I didn't get it.
He didn't like my family. He told me, even recently, he was scared of them.
He made fun of me singing along with music... which is just part of who I am.
Compromise meant me changing, not him.
Not always interested in {} me... would withdraw {}, but still visit the "club"
he's not who I imagined myself to end up with, but I accepted the idea of our future because I loved him.
Discussions of the future (kids, marriage, future careers) usually ended in arguments and/or frustration.

Thank you to Tonya for lunch and conversation yesterday, happy birthday (a day late) to my sister Neen, and happy birthday (a day early) to my sister Bebe, and happy birthday (2 days early) to Jen.

Also, still need to write about the "six degrees of jess"... it's been wild on that front this week.