Greg Behrendt, former co-worker and prophet

So, today I totally broke down and bought my former co-worker Greg's new book, "It's called a breakup because it's broken: The Smart Girl's Breakup Buddy". I was in Target, searching for the monster pack of cheap TP and the RCA cable (the red-white-yellow cable) I needed to hook up my DVD player to my VCR to my TV. (Jen gave me a free month of Netflix to help in my breakup, and I need a working DVD player to watch the movies. And since B never fixed the wiring like he had promised, it doesn't work).

Anyway, I walked past the book section, and Greg and his wife Amiira's new book is there on an endcap. I took this as a sign from God, and threw the book in my cart. I know I'm totally broke, but I'm also totally lonely, and I figured this book would a) give me something to read to fill my time, and b) provide good advice, and c) boost my self-esteem and help convince me I had made the right decision.

I got home, put the Target groceries away (bought frozen chicken breasts and boca burgers to make sure I'm eating healthier now that I am cooking for myself again and not relying on B to feed me all the time), and grabbed Greg's first book (written with a different co-author) down from the shelf. You probably heard about his first book on Oprah last year - "He's just not that into you: The no-excuses truth to understanding guys". I had read it before, recognized myself and b in parts of it, and didn't have the balls to do anything about it. In fact, I told B (more than once) that my friend's book said I should breakup with him. B gave his mom the audiobook (from me) last year, and gave his sister the book at Christmas. apparently, worked for her.

Well, today when I got to the bookstore, I opened up "He's just not that into you" again, and re-read the chapters that pertained to me. (It's quick reading, by the way, if you ever want to read it). Herewith, the pertinent wisdom from those chapters. I have pulled the ones which pertain to me, and haven't repeated ones that don't.

Chapter 3: he's just not that into you if he's not dating you. hanging out is not dating.

• Guys tell you how they feel even if you refuse to believe them. "I don't want to be in a serious relationship" truly means "I don't want to be in a serious relationship with you" or "I'm not sure that you're the one"
• Better than nothing is not good enough for you.
• If you don't know where the relationship is going, it's okay to pull over and ask.
• Murky? Not good.
• There's a guy out there who WILL want to tell everyone he's your boyfriend. Quit goofing around and go find him.

Chapter 7: he's just not that into you if he doesn't want to marry you. Love cures commitment phobia.

• "Doesn't want to get married" and "doesn't want to get married to me" are very different things. Be sure about which category he falls under.
• If you have different ideas about marriage, what else are you not on the same page about? Time to take inventory.
• If you don't feel like rushing, why are you waiting?
• There's a guy out there who wants to marry you.

Chapter 8: he's just not that into you if he's breaking up with you. "I don't want to go out with you" means just that.

• You can't talk your way out of a breakup. It is not up for discussion. A breakup is a definitive action, not a democratic one.
• Breakup sex still means you're broken up.
• Cut him off. Let him miss you.
• He doesn't need to be reminded that you're great.
• "Classy" doesn't "break into his answering machine.
• There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.

Chapter 11: He's just not that into you if he's a selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak. If you really love someone, you will do things to make them happy.

• Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.
• You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time. (You have to be nice to them too.)
• You already have one asshole. You don't need another.
• Make space in your life for the glorious things you deserve.
• Have faith. What other choice is there?

Reset your standards. (Standard suggestions.)

• I will not date a man who isn't sure he wants to date me.
• I will not date a man who makes me feel sexually undesirable.
• I will not date a man who drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me uncomfortable.
• I will not be with a man who is afraid to talk about our future.
• I will not, under any circumstances, spend my precious time with a man who has already rejected me.

So, those are from the first book. I'm 3 chapters into "It's called a breakup because it's broken, and i'm feeling much better and resolved in my decision. It doesn't make me miss the space he occupied in my life any less, but it reminds me i'm doing the right thing by not talking to him. Even though our friends are saying how much he misses me...

that's all for now. Remind me next post to tell you about how I took myself out for a date last night... and how i'm a prude, even with myself. :)