Northern and Southern Differences
forwarded to me by one of my best friends (from / since High School), who is also from the West Coast (and who moved east/South before I did).
Trust me, these are truer than y'all who haven't moved South would think. (and this is nicer, because I've been called a Yankee and a Damn Yankee a few times in my nearly 4 years in the South.)
but if I ever say "doo whut?" instead of "pardon?", "excuse me", "I'm sorry" or "could you repeat that?", please kill me...
Northern and Southern Differences
The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names,! The South has double first names.
The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.
The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.
The North has green salads, The South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters, The South has crawfish.
The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt.
FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .
In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. DO NOT buy food at this store.
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and I reckon your life will turn into a country music song 'fore you know it.
Your kin would get a kick out of it too!
posted by jess @ 6:07 PM
3 Comments:
I loved this posting! However, there are a couple that have, I'm sure, been inadvertently omitted. These include:
If you're from the North (or California) and you had to park a long distance from the door, you parked on the "back nine". If you're from the South, it's the "back forty". (As in acres. You'll have to bring your own mule.)
We feed our children fried food (to work up a tolerance), whole milk, sweet tea, and collard greens in the South. No tofu, hummus, or soy products before the age of five.
In the North, you drink wine with dinner and in the South, it's iced tea (preferably sweet).
When speaking with friends or relatives that you haven't talked to in a while, it is not only proper form but required that you ask about Momma. ("How's your Momma and them?")
Thanks for the great laughs from this post - they are so true!!
Tonya
When it comes to bacon grease, I don't eat pork, so I don't have it. My mom saved it and cooked with it... and we weren't even southern...
though, my grandmother was Texan, so it sort of counts.
I just got off the phone with your sister D p and she told me that she saves the bacon fat to cook with. Now here's the funny part. One of her roommates doesn't eat bacon or ham or pork, but insists on using her stash of bacon flavor in vegetables!
Post a Comment
<< Home