Saturday Night's All Right for...

So, I'm home of a Saturday, of my own choosing.
I had a nice day today - Pilates with Kiren, Starbucks afterward, and then the Clanjamfry Scottish Festival at Evergreen Presbyterian with Kiren and D. Tossed a wellie (boot) poorly, got some nice homemade shortbread, walked around the grass and looked at Vendor booths. All in all, a good time, mellow.

We decided to hang out a little more, and to go visit this specialty paper and printing store (D & Kiren are planning their wedding, so she needs ideas and vendors). On the way, my cel phone rang, and the display said it was him, calling from the house line. I let it go to voicemail, which he did not leave. I called him back after we were done shopping, and asked him what was up, and he asked me to dinner for tonight, as a date night. I told him I'd need to think about it, and would call him back... Again, it threw me for a loop... I ended up talking it out with D and Kiren, and realized that I'm not there... I can't just go back, even if he is making the effort. D said something which I tried desperately to memorize, but forgot... but it's something along the lines of you can't expect change if you are doing the same thing... and that's the truth of the matter. I want change, at least in myself (if not also in him and his behavior, but I don't need that). And I can't find that desired change if I'm putting myself back into the situations again.

So, I called him back, and told him that I wouldn't be able to go out tonight, as I still needed a little more space (I meant to say time), and he say okay, and hung up.

I'm told by our friends that he misses me, that he is lonely. I have a feeling that he does miss me, but he also needs to find other things, activities, people to fill his time. working from his home, not even going into an office, can't be good for getting his mind clear. I'm going to work every weekday, and I'm still new there, so I'm meeting people and am focused on work whilst I'm working. I also have my weekend used bookstore job, so I see other people and have things to focus on (shelving, helping customers), and books to read.

I'm conflicted, really... I want to be happy, I want him to be happy, but I don't think I can currently be happy with him.

So, tis a Saturday night with the TV and Kraft dinner. I'm living the life...

oh, before I forget: some good news came out of today's Pilates class. Traci, my instructor, told me that my belly is really looking good and scooped out on some of the exercises. It means that the classes are working. Heck, I struggle in every class, and I'm proud of myself after. I'm even checking my posture and sucking my stomach in when I'm working and sitting around at home.

Y'all, thanks for your friendship and comments and phone calls and emails. I'm absorbing the good thoughts, and keeping my focus on getting and being healthy. (cliche land, but the truth)