Thanksgiving - for what am I giving thanks?

I think this is the first time in my life that I've dreaded Thanksgiving.
What with eating and family, it's always been one of my favorite holidays. I get to bake, and eat, and hang out...
but this year, with the drama and all, I'm not looking forward to Turkey Day.
* My aunt was trying to put something together with my maternal relatives in CA, but A)I couldn't really afford it and B) I didn't really want to deal with those relations.
* Jen invited me to Phoenix for Thanksgiving and to meet the baby, the closest thing to a nephew I'll have for a while, but I couldn't find a cheap enough fare. I tried Sidestep and Hotwire and Priceline, but nothing under $400-$500, and I could really only do $200-300, tops.
* I'm meant to go to Thanksgiving with friends here, but I dread the thought of spending hours in a social situation with B. Even with the rest of our friends there, it will be awkward, and I'll have to be the strong one. Which I don't feel like doing. Even though I want to bake.

I feel at a loss.

B and I were friends for so long, nearly my entire time in Memphis, that every Holiday is tied up with memories of him. This is my 4th Thanksgiving in Memphis, and the prior 3 were all spent with B - year one, just friends, at Radio D's house; year two, dating, at the house he shared with our friend D and D's multiple Indian relatives; year three, at W&K's house, with her mother.
I can tie Labor Days, Halloweens to B. Valentines, of course, as it was our first date, to the theatre. Christmas, our friends' birthdays, my birthday. Everything is tied up in memories of B.

I feel like I'm getting all ahead of it, and then it all hits me again. I just want the hurting to stop, my brain to stop churning. I want to escape it all, and I don't see a way to.