single, again, and needing friendship now more than ever

the email that started this all:

I finally, and with much tears, had to "end it" with Bill. Even though we "broke up" over a month ago (on Friday august 12th), we have been hanging out, and talking on the phone, and been in contact nearly as much as we were when we were going out. (we weren't still sleeping together, or acting affectionate with each other, to answer that unasked question).

we've been on-and-off for nearly 2 1/2 years... We were at breakfast today, and it just all hit me...it's been weighing on me for a while, and it kills me, as he was my closest friend and confidante for over 2 years... but I can't get healthy, get over it or move on if we are talking... I just can't get my head clear, or get over my anger, and sadness at this ending, if we are still seeing each other without "seeing each other", and still relying on each other.

we were talking it out after breakfast, and were finally completely honest about it all. We stayed together because it was convenient, and it was easier to be together than not. I mean, I loved him, and wanted to be with him. But we want different things (I want marriage and kids and such sooner than later, and he doesn't know what he wants) and staying together, or even staying friends, doesn't help either of us. He does say that he likes me / loves me, but that trying to convince himself that he wanted to be with me long-term (the elusive "one") wasn't right. And it's not right... I don't want to be with someone who has to convince themselves about me...

He did say I'm easy to be with, not high-maintenance, and a great person, and that he knows I can find someone better for me than him. I said I hope he doesn't find anyone better than me, and that I hope no other woman gets to live in his house. (I believe my exact quote was "I don't want any other bitch to get my house!").

so, for the sake of my sanity and healing, I am in self-imposed bill exile - no phone calls, no coffee, no meals, no emails. I pray that you will help me with this, and be available for phone calls, emails, hanging out, and general support. also, if you know any nice young men (attractive would be nice too) who might like to spend time with a vivacious, self-assured, ready for commitment little redhead, please send them my way.

thank you for being my friend, and I will appreciate everything you can do to help me get through this all... jess